Work on the Table Titans book is going great, but not for a lack of trying.
I’ve been getting in my own way when it comes to working on this book. And I’m frustrated with myself for doing it.
I’ve never put as much time into writing and editing a script as I have with this book. I feel like I’ve been writing new drafts of this script for almost a year. Half of those drafts were before I even had a literary agent, publisher, or editor.
As edits, notes and rewrites continued to eat into my deadline, my editor assured me that this process was too important to be rushed and I would thank myself for the time I put in later.
It was really difficult. Normally, I’ll get an idea for a story, work out some broad strokes in an outline and then begin work on a final script. But after a couple of pages, I get bored and frustrated and just start drawing. “I’ll make it up as I go” has been my motto.
Not this time.
Finally, we arrived at a final working script. It’s lean. It’s good. It’s something I’m really proud of. Getting that email from Sally saying “This is amazing. get drawing.” was HUGE. It brought with it, a huge sense of accomplishment…
…followed by a crippling fear of failing.
See, now that the script is finished, I have to draw the damned thing. Two-hundred and forty pages. Not to mention that in the middle of drawing it, I need to start working on the script for book 2. I won’t be getting a year and a half to work on that script. I’ll have only a couple of months.
I found myself stalling…finding any reason to procrastinate. Stressing out over not getting anything done, but not having the motivation to start. It was a terrible cycle of fear and shame all bubbling under the surface.
Finally, I just had to sit down and draw. I pushed it too far. The stress of putting things off became so bad I couldn’t take it anymore. I was going to just draw these pages and let them be terrible. Just get it done, right?
Those first pages were a real struggle. I knew they were bad, but I just pushed on. Once I got past the first ten pages, things started to flow better and I was happier with my work. Now I was getting in some panels I was really proud of. Then boom. The floodgates opened and it’s like I suddenly remembered that I’ve been doing this for two decades and I kinda know a thing or two about it.
And guess what? Those first pages I hated? They’re FINE! In fact, I think they look GREAT. I have no idea what I was going on about.
So learn from me, kids. Don’t get in your own way. Don’t worry so much about the outcome. 99% of the things we worry about never happen anyway. Focus on the process, not the outcome. If you can love the process, you’ve won the game.
